Tender greeting friends & enemies!
Complaining. It’s becoming a dirty word. I think it’s the new lazy. Uh, I hate that word. It’s a ridiculously distracting topic. Complaining is like an obnoxious gremlin full of sugar, ain’t even yours, just screaming and breaking stuff. Regaining your focus and optimism can be hard when life is kicking you repeatedly in the shins.
Instead of noting the power that complaining gives, I prefer to think of it as giving my attention and focus away. While there may be little distinction to many, this is actually the first step in shifting your focus. I’ll even be lighter on you than Jodi was in the podcast, if you want to stay mad the rest of the day go ahead.
Sometimes the momentum is too forceful to turn off or turn away from the issue at hand. However, at the very least, try to find a good or easy thought. Even if you’re trapped finishing your shift at work, if all you can think about is crawling into bed when you get home, do that. If you think drinking a soda will perk you up on break, do that.
When nothing, I mean nothing, is actively appealing to you, even things you like, consider just taking a nap. Giving more of your energy and focus doesn’t always solve out the task at hand. Society has drafted this false narrative of putting your nose to the grind stone and ‘seeing things through’, I believe secretly we feel rewarded for our complaints. Working yourself half to death has come with this really warped sense of pride, something of a martyr complex if you will. You’re a freak, lazy or utterly worthless in our society if you have nothing to complain about. Tell someone you’re doing pretty ok, well what are you even doing? Some people (looking at a lot of folks over 60 years of age) treat non-complainers as terrorists. It’s as if not being actively overworked and miserable means you’re out spray painting buildings, snatching purses from old ladies, just trashing the sense of the ‘American dream’. Here’s where that ugly word lazy creeps in to smack you in the back of the head.
Think about it, we’ve all had that boss, you know the one. Everyone on shifts perks up and pretends to do something when they come by. Why? Most people will argue well why are you being paid to do nothing? Really, they want to avoid a direct confrontation. Funny, a preemptive way to avoid that exchange is to complain at length and in depth about current work to be done. Thankfully, minding my own business has been my specialty for some years. Unfortunately, I can’t always say the same of my coworkers. Being overworked is a not privilege. I do not hide this fact. When inevitable personality clashes arise, you don’t have to engage immediately, if at all. If it has nothing to do with work or personal health/safety, it’s a non-issue. Let it go. Don’t make me put that Disney song here, I know you know the one…
There are so many times giving your attention to something unwanted brings more of it. Focusing on a problem is not always the way to see a solution, often the solution is in a COMPLETELY separate location than the problem. Even worse, sometimes there was no problem until your focus made one. Imagine being locked out of your house. No one is home, you locked your phone inside and you don’t even have slippers on! Then it starts to rain. You aren’t dressed for this. You remember you have something on the stove… right here is where the boulder of misery is about to crush you, Indiana Jones style. But instead of letting your mind move to the next bad thought, you pause (shout out to meditation!). You laugh. You take a second to laugh at how utterly screwed you are and something shifts. Perhaps you notice you left an easily accessible window open. Maybe you groan at how tired you are and then remember the key you have hidden beneath a stone in the garden. Or, maybe, you try turning the doorknob one more time and realize the door was a little sticky from the storm, and that you were never locked out to begin with.
Jodi and I could drown you in analogies till the rapture or we can show you how to shift your view to see what you want. Really, the only thing complaining does is paint your life story from the least point of ease. That seems extremely admirable, but I assure you it isn’t. Every day we hear about sacrifice, hard work and many other unpleasant things that are considered dutiful yet go unrewarded. You can stay late every night after work, it’s not a guarantee your boss won’t pass you up for a promotion. I’ve watched lots of people get promotion after promotion, rarely did it have anything to do with how hard the person worked. In fact, I’ve noticed a disturbing theme: people who do a disproportionate amount of labor (more than their share), are the first to be given more work and are often the first to have their benefits and privileges compromised or cut. This is where Jodi’s often used quotes fits nicely, ‘if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything’.
Every media outlet has a minimum of three crises pending live. It’s hard NOT to get roped in to other peoples’ problems and expectations. Why focus on centering yourself in this loud, fast, action driven word of flashing lights and meaningless goals? It’s easier to be what your boss expects, until his boss changes what he expects of you? Now what? When you work from within, fear and false expectations falls away. There is only you and the life you want. Complaining is the narrative of what is unwanted. Draft the narrative of the wanted. One word, one thought at a time. You don’t have to change your environment but you must take back your focus. Your power lies in your attention and your continued focus on it.
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